Why Trying Harder Isn’t Always the Answer

We live in a culture that worships effort.

Push through.
Try harder.
No excuses.
Mind over matter.

It values results over process, personality over character.

If you’ve been on a long healing journey, you’ve probably absorbed this mindset. It sounds something like:

• “If I were more disciplined, I’d feel better by now.”
• “I just need to follow the protocol perfectly.”
• “Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough.”
• “Maybe I should find a different doctor.”
• “Maybe ChatGPT has the right answer.”

Here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear:

If trying harder were the answer, you’d be healed already.
You are not unwell because you’re undisciplined.
You are not stuck because you’re lazy, stupid, or haven’t found the right answer.
In fact, many people I work with are trying too hard—and it’s wearing their bodies down. They spend hours on the internet researching their conditions. Or trying all kinds of treatments that may conflict with one another. 

Sometimes, more effort isn’t healing.
Sometimes, it’s just more stress in disguise.

What comes to mind is the serenity prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous, which asks for the ability to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be, and the wisdom to know the difference. When dealing with health issues, how powerful is that!

When Effort Becomes a Trauma Response

Trying harder feels noble, but for many of us, it’s actually a nervous system habit—a survival strategy born from past trauma and/or chronic stress.

If you grew up in an unpredictable environment, you may have learned that safety came from:

• Being the high achiever
• Fixing everything
• Never resting
• Staying vigilant

In your adult life, that might translate into hyper-responsibility. You become the person who researches every symptom, manages a supplement cabinet like a pharmacy, tracks every bite of food, and schedules every minute of your healing plan.

It looks like dedication.
But underneath?
Fear. Tension. Apprehension. Exhaustion.

Your nervous system is still trying to stay safe by doing more. But that doing more comes with a cost. 

The Hidden Cost of “More”

Pushing yourself—especially when your body is already depleted—can actually move you further away from healing.

Why?

Because it keeps your sympathetic nervous system dominant—the fight/flight system.

• Your body thinks you’re under threat, even if the “threat” is following a healing plan rigidly.
• Cortisol stays high or dysregulated.
• Digestion and immune function go offline.
• Inflammation increases.
• Restorative sleep becomes harder.

This is the classic paradox:
The more you push, the more your body resists.
The more you try to control, the more dysregulated you feel.

(I’m ignoring the freeze response for the moment.)

Doing Less Can Be Deeply Healing

This is where we flip the script:

Healing isn’t about perfection.
It’s about safety.
It’s about permission.
It’s about trust.

For many people, the real medicine is learning to let go, not pushing through.

That might look like:

• Taking one day off your supplement schedule to rest
• Eating a meal without over-analyzing every ingredient
• Skipping a workout in favor of a nap (this is BIG).
• Let yourself cry instead of muscling through
• Trusting in something greater than you (or the wisdom of your body) to allow healing to occur

These aren’t signs of failure.
They’re signs of nervous system healing.
Of allowing your body to shift out of effort and into receptivity.

Healing doesn’t happen in effort mode.
It happens in repair mode—parasympathetic mode—where your cells regenerate, your gut restores, and your immune system recalibrates.

But what if I stop trying and get worse?

This fear is so common. It sounds like:

• “If I let go of my routine, I’ll fall apart.”
• “If I stop being strict, my symptoms will come back.”
• “If I rest, I’m giving up.”
• “I feel worse when I sleep too much.”

Let me offer another possibility:

What if your symptoms are asking you to do less?
What if your fatigue, anxiety, or pain is your body saying, “Enough. I need softness now?”

Letting go isn’t the same as giving up.
It’s giving over—to your deeper wisdom.
To the part of you that knows forcing doesn’t lead to peace.

Three Healing Shifts to Make When “Trying Harder” Isn’t Working

1. Trade Discipline for Devotion

Discipline is external. It’s about rules, expectations, control.
Devotion is internal. It’s about care, respect, and love.

Instead of: “I have to follow this protocol perfectly.”
Try: “How can I honor my body today?”

Healing becomes less about force, and more about listening. Listen to what you’re feeling.

2. Let Rest Be Productive

We often think rest is what we earn after doing enough.
But in healing, rest is the work. (And I would argue that having a regular bedtime is important too.)

Rest recalibrates your hormones.
It repairs your gut lining.
It allows your brain to detoxify.

Rest isn’t lazy. It’s biologically intelligent.

What if resting—before you crash—was the most advanced healing tool you had?

3. Soften the Inner Critic

When you live with chronic symptoms, it’s easy to feel like your body is failing you—and to internalize that failure.

An inner voice may whisper:

• “You’re not doing enough.”
• “Other people are healing faster.”
• “You should have figured this out by now.”

This voice doesn’t help.
It reactivates stress, shame, and self-doubt.

The antidote?
Curiosity. Compassion. Connection.

Try saying:

• “I’m doing my best with what I know.”
• “It’s okay to pause.”
• “My body is doing its best to protect me.”
• “What am I feeling right now?”

You’re Allowed to Let It Be Easier

This doesn’t mean you stop caring.
It means you stop fighting yourself in the name of healing.

It means releasing the belief that suffering is required.
That only the hardest path is valid.
That healing has to look a certain way.

You’re allowed to feel better without earning it.
You’re allowed to rest without guilt.
You’re allowed to stop trying harder—and start healing smarter.

What If Your Healing Isn’t a Battle… But a Surrender?

Imagine your healing journey not as a mountain to climb, but as a path to soften into.
Not a battle to win, but a trust fall into your own body’s wisdom.

This doesn’t mean you never take action.
It means your actions stem from alignment—not anxiety or fear.

That’s where true healing begins.

Coming Up: “Symptoms as Signals, Not Enemies.”

In our next post, we’ll dive into the power of reframing symptoms—not as problems to fix, but as messages to understand.

Until then, I invite you to pause.
Take a breath.
Loosen your grip.
Let something be easier today.

You are healing, even now.

P.S. My upcoming workshop, “Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis,” explores exactly this shift—from force to flow, from trying to trusting.
Be the first to hear when registration opens 

Also to catch up on the previous articles in this story you can go here.