In the healing journey, a strange thing can happen:

You felt better.

You sleep through the night. You go a whole week without a flare-up. You laugh. You rest. You notice silence where there used to be pain.

And then—almost immediately—you tense.

A quiet voice says: “Don’t get your hopes up.” “This probably won’t last.” “Who am I if I’m not working on getting better?”

That’s when you realize the struggle itself has become part of your identity. And now, healing asks you to do something even scarier than trying harder.

It asks you to let go of the struggle. To live as a person who no longer needs to fight. To change your identity.

Healing as a Full-Time Job

When you’ve been in the world of chronic illness, burnout, anxiety, or trauma recovery, your healing work often becomes all-consuming.

You learn to track every symptom and manage your schedule around your energy. You study protocols, track labs, stack supplements. You surround yourself with communities where “the struggle” is the dominant language.

None of this is wrong. In fact, much of it is necessary—especially when the medical system hasn’t helped or believed you.

But after a while, it’s easy to mistake healing work for who you are.

It becomes your focus, your identity, your story.

When the Body Is Ready—But the Mind Isn’t

Here’s something I’ve seen repeatedly:

A person’s body begins to heal. The inflammation decreases, and the gut improves. The nervous system stabilizes. Energy returns.

But the mind doesn’t know how to live without the struggle.

It waits for the other shoe to drop, expecting a relapse. It keeps scanning for danger—even if the danger is gone.

This isn’t sabotage. It’s survival.

For months, years, or decades, your nervous system has been in hypervigilance. You have tied your identity to “I’m the one who’s still healing.”

Letting go of that struggle means facing a new unknown: Who am I when I’m no longer defined by this?

Struggle Gives a Sense of Control—Even When It Hurts

The struggle can feel strangely safe.

It gives structure. (Something to work on, something to fix.)

It provides identity. (You’re the strong one. The determined one. The sensitive one.)

It connects you to a community. (People who “get it.”)

It fills time and space. (Without it, what would you do—or feel?)

So when the struggle lifts, a strange grief can emerge. It can feel like losing something familiar—even if it was painful.

This is normal. And it’s okay to feel it.

But don’t confuse grief with failure. This is not a sign that something is wrong. It’s a sign that a new story is trying to be born.

Beyond the Struggle: A New Way of Being

You don’t have to go back to the person you were before. You don’t have to become someone entirely new, either.

You are allowed to become someone who carries the wisdom of the struggle—but no longer needs it to define them.

Someone who says:

“I used to live in survival mode. Now I choose peace.”

“I don’t need to be sick to justify slowing down.”

“I can trust joy, even if I’m still learning how.”

Healing becomes less about effort—and more about allowing.

You stop performing your progress and collecting symptoms like proof. You stop waiting for permission to feel good.

And instead… you live. You rest. You create. You connect. You begin again.

Three Practices to Explore Who You Are Without the Struggle

1. Make Room for “What Now?” Instead of “What’s Wrong?”

Your mind may be trained to look for the next problem. That’s okay. You can gently ask:

“If nothing is wrong in this moment, what would I want to feel or do?”

This practice shifts your attention from symptom-scanning to soul-listening. For many people, this is very challenging. But the benefits are immense. 

2. Reclaim Desire—Not Just Duty

Many people only allow themselves to rest or play after doing enough healing work. But what if pleasure, art, connection, and joy were part of healing—not the reward for it?

Ask yourself:

What do I want to create that has nothing to do with fixing myself?

What kind of life am I building now that my energy is coming back?

What used to light me up that I’ve set aside?

Let your life be about more than maintenance.

3. Create a New Self-Story

Take 10 minutes and journal from this prompt:

“I am no longer someone who struggles all the time. I am now someone who…”

Let the words flow. Don’t edit or censor. Just see what emerges.

This is where the new story begins.

You Don’t Have to Struggle to Deserve Healing

You don’t have to earn your peace or prove yourself. You don’t have to struggle to be worthy of rest, ease, or health.

You are allowed to live beyond the fight. To move through life without waiting for the next shoe to drop. To soften, expand, and trust—even if only in small moments.

That’s what real healing is.

Not the absence of symptoms. But the presence of freedom.

Next up: “The New Story: How to Begin Again.”

Our last post in this series will guide you in consciously creating a new health story—one built on trust, presence, and possibility.

Until then, let this question echo:

Who am I when I no longer need the struggle to know myself?

And what would it feel like… to live the answer?

P.S. In the Letting Go of the Story workshop, we’ll walk this exact path—through reflection, embodied practice, and new story creation. It’s your time. Join the interest list here 

We live in a culture that worships effort. We want answers.

Push through.
Try harder.
No excuses.
Mind over matter.

It values results over process, personality over character.

If you’ve been on a long healing journey, you’ve probably absorbed this mindset. It sounds something like:

• “If I were more disciplined, I’d feel better by now.”
• “I just need to follow the protocol perfectly.”
• “Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough.”
• “Maybe I should find a different doctor.”
• “Maybe ChatGPT has the right answer.”

Here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear:

If trying harder were the answer, you’d be healed already.
You are not unwell because you’re undisciplined.
You are not stuck because you’re lazy, stupid, or haven’t found the right answer.
In fact, many people I work with are trying too hard—and it’s wearing their bodies down. They spend hours on the internet researching their conditions. Or trying all kinds of treatments that may conflict with one another. 

Sometimes, more effort isn’t healing.
Sometimes, it’s just more stress in disguise.

What comes to mind is the serenity prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous, which asks for the ability to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be, and the wisdom to know the difference. When dealing with health issues, how powerful is that!

When Effort Becomes a Trauma Response

Trying harder feels noble, but for many of us, it’s actually a nervous system habit—a survival strategy born from past trauma and/or chronic stress.

If you grew up in an unpredictable environment, you may have learned that safety came from:

• Being the high achiever
• Fixing everything
• Never resting
• Staying vigilant

In your adult life, that might translate into hyper-responsibility. You become the person who researches every symptom, manages a supplement cabinet like a pharmacy, tracks every bite of food, and schedules every minute of your healing plan.

It looks like dedication.
But underneath?
Fear. Tension. Apprehension. Exhaustion.

Your nervous system is still trying to stay safe by doing more. But that doing more comes with a cost. 

The Hidden Cost of “More”

Pushing yourself—especially when your body is already depleted—can actually move you further away from healing.

Why?

Because it keeps your sympathetic nervous system dominant—the fight/flight system.

• Your body thinks you’re under threat, even if the “threat” is following a healing plan rigidly.
• Cortisol stays high or dysregulated.
• Digestion and immune function go offline.
• Inflammation increases.
• Restorative sleep becomes harder.

This is the classic paradox:
The more you push, the more your body resists.
The more you try to control, the more dysregulated you feel.

(I’m ignoring the freeze response for the moment.)

Doing Less Can Be Deeply Healing

This is where we flip the script:

Healing isn’t about perfection.
It’s about safety.
It’s about permission.
It’s about trust.

For many people, the real medicine is learning to let go, not pushing through.

That might look like:

• Taking one day off your supplement schedule to rest
• Eating a meal without over-analyzing every ingredient
• Skipping a workout in favor of a nap (this is BIG).
• Let yourself cry instead of muscling through
• Trusting in something greater than you (or the wisdom of your body) to allow healing to occur

These aren’t signs of failure.
They’re signs of nervous system healing.
Of allowing your body to shift out of effort and into receptivity.

Healing doesn’t happen in effort mode.
It happens in repair mode—parasympathetic mode—where your cells regenerate, your gut restores, and your immune system recalibrates.

But what if I stop trying and get worse?

This fear is so common. It sounds like:

• “If I let go of my routine, I’ll fall apart.”
• “If I stop being strict, my symptoms will come back.”
• “If I rest, I’m giving up.”
• “I feel worse when I sleep too much.”

Let me offer another possibility:

What if your symptoms are asking you to do less?
What if your fatigue, anxiety, or pain is your body saying, “Enough. I need softness now?”

Letting go isn’t the same as giving up.
It’s giving over—to your deeper wisdom.
To the part of you that knows forcing doesn’t lead to peace.

Three Healing Shifts to Make When “Trying Harder” Isn’t Working

1. Trade Discipline for Devotion

Discipline is external. It’s about rules, expectations, control.
Devotion is internal. It’s about care, respect, and love.

Instead of: “I have to follow this protocol perfectly.”
Try: “How can I honor my body today?”

Healing becomes less about force, and more about listening. Listen to what you’re feeling.

2. Let Rest Be Productive

We often think rest is what we earn after doing enough.
But in healing, rest is the work. (And I would argue that having a regular bedtime is important too.)

Rest recalibrates your hormones.
It repairs your gut lining.
It allows your brain to detoxify.

Rest isn’t lazy. It’s biologically intelligent.

What if resting—before you crash—was the most advanced healing tool you had?

3. Soften the Inner Critic

When you live with chronic symptoms, it’s easy to feel like your body is failing you—and to internalize that failure.

An inner voice may whisper:

• “You’re not doing enough.”
• “Other people are healing faster.”
• “You should have figured this out by now.”

This voice doesn’t help.
It reactivates stress, shame, and self-doubt.

The antidote?
Curiosity. Compassion. Connection.

Try saying:

• “I’m doing my best with what I know.”
• “It’s okay to pause.”
• “My body is doing its best to protect me.”
• “What am I feeling right now?”

You’re Allowed to Let It Be Easier

This doesn’t mean you stop caring.
It means you stop fighting yourself in the name of healing.

It means releasing the belief that suffering is required.
That only the hardest path is valid.
That healing has to look a certain way.

You’re allowed to feel better without earning it.
You’re allowed to rest without guilt.
You’re allowed to stop trying harder—and start healing smarter.

What If Your Healing Isn’t a Battle… But a Surrender?

Imagine your healing journey not as a mountain to climb, but as a path to soften into.
Not a battle to win, but a trust fall into your own body’s wisdom.

This doesn’t mean you never take action.
It means your actions stem from alignment—not anxiety or fear.

That’s where true healing begins.

Coming Up: “Symptoms as Signals, Not Enemies.”

In our next post, we’ll dive into the power of reframing symptoms—not as problems to fix, but as messages to understand.

Until then, I invite you to pause.
Take a breath.
Loosen your grip.
Let something be easier today.

You are healing, even now.

P.S. My upcoming workshop, “Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis,” explores exactly this shift—from force to flow, from trying to trusting.
Be the first to hear when registration opens 

Also to catch up on the previous articles in this story you can go here.

It’s Not Your Fault—But It Is Your Responsibility

If you’ve struggled with chronic symptoms—anxiety, fatigue, hormone imbalance, pain, or illness—then you probably know the frustration of doing all the things: the diets, the supplements, the labs, the protocols.

And yet… you’re still not where you want to be.

That’s when the quiet, painful question sneaks in:
“What am I doing wrong?”
And just beneath it:
“Is this somehow my fault?”

Let me say this clearly: No, it’s not your fault.
But—healing is your responsibility.

And that difference may be the very thing that unlocks lasting change.

You Didn’t Choose This Starting Point

None of us chooses our starting point.

We don’t choose our genes.
We don’t choose the level of stress or trauma our nervous systems absorbed as kids.
We don’t choose the air we breathe, the food we were fed, or the emotional climate of the homes we grew up in.

Many of the patterns you’re living with now were set in motion long before you had any say:

• Early infections or antibiotics primed your immune system.
• A childhood of unpredictability or criticism trained your stress response.
• Years of overwork or neglect left imprints on your gut, hormones, and sleep.

So when I say it’s not your fault, I mean it with deep compassion. These challenges are part of a much larger web—biological, emotional, cultural, even generational. You didn’t create it.

But You Are the One Who Can Change It

Here’s the paradox: while you didn’t cause it, you are the only one with the power to shift it.

This is what I mean by responsibility.

Responsibility isn’t blame. It’s not guilt. It’s not “I should have known better.”

Responsibility is ownership. It’s the moment you say:
“This is mine now. And I get to decide what happens next.”

That’s the turning point.

Why Ownership Without Blame Is So Powerful

Blame sounds like: “I’m broken. It’s my fault. I’ll never get better.”
Outsourcing sounds like: “Someone else has to fix me. I hope they figure it out.”

Responsibility sounds like: “I may not have caused this, but I can respond to it.”

That shift doesn’t just change your outlook—it changes your biology.

When you reclaim agency, your nervous system moves out of survival mode. Your immune system recalibrates. Your gut, hormones, and repair pathways respond.

This is biology listening to story.

The Trap of Learned Helplessness

One of the deepest wounds of chronic illness is learned helplessness—the sense that nothing you do makes a difference.

But helplessness isn’t just emotional—it’s physiological:

• Cortisol dysregulates.
• Inflammation rises.
• Cellular repair slows.
• The nervous system stays in overdrive.

The body prepares for danger, not healing.

That’s why one of the most important interventions isn’t another supplement or protocol—it’s restoring a sense of power. Not control. Not perfection. Just the deep knowing that what you do matters.

The Key to Healing: Three Ways to Step Into Responsibility (Without Blame)

1. Name What You Didn’t Choose—Then Name What You Can Now

Acknowledge what wasn’t yours: the childhood, the environment, the genetics.
Then ask: What is in my hands now?

• The rhythm of your day
• The way you breathe when you feel stressed
• The choice to pause instead of push
• The boundaries you set around rest and nourishment

This is your territory. This is where healing begins.

2. Choose Curiosity Over Judgment

Responsibility is not self-criticism. It’s self-inquiry.

• Why do I crave sugar when I feel anxious?
• What is my body asking for when a headache comes?
• Where did I learn to ignore my needs until I crash?

Judgment shuts the door. Curiosity opens it.

3. Rewrite the Story You’ve Been Carrying

Often what keeps us stuck isn’t the symptom—it’s the story.

“I’m always the sick one.”
“I never finish things.”
“Healing is hard for people like me.”

These aren’t facts. They’re scripts. And scripts can be rewritten.

When you shift the story, your body follows.

You Are Not to Blame. You Are Not Broken. You Are Becoming.

Here’s the truth I want you to hold:

You are not at fault for what happened to you.
You are not broken because you’re still healing.
And you are not powerless to change.

The moment you take loving responsibility, you stop being a victim of your past and begin authoring your future.

That’s not just hopeful—it’s biology in action.

✨ If this resonates, you’ll love the upcoming workshop:
Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.

Together, we’ll explore these shifts through guided reflection, nervous system practices, and group coaching—so you can finally let go of blame and step fully into your power.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop:
“Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.”

We’ll go step-by-step through the process of uncovering and gently releasing the narratives that keep us stuck—and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed aside.

Because the truth is, you are more than your diagnosis.
More than your past.
And more than the story you’ve been told.

Healing begins when you believe that.

👉 [Sign up here to be the first to know when registration opens.]