We live in a culture that worships effort. We want answers.

Push through.
Try harder.
No excuses.
Mind over matter.

It values results over process, personality over character.

If you’ve been on a long healing journey, you’ve probably absorbed this mindset. It sounds something like:

• “If I were more disciplined, I’d feel better by now.”
• “I just need to follow the protocol perfectly.”
• “Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough.”
• “Maybe I should find a different doctor.”
• “Maybe ChatGPT has the right answer.”

Here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear:

If trying harder were the answer, you’d be healed already.
You are not unwell because you’re undisciplined.
You are not stuck because you’re lazy, stupid, or haven’t found the right answer.
In fact, many people I work with are trying too hard—and it’s wearing their bodies down. They spend hours on the internet researching their conditions. Or trying all kinds of treatments that may conflict with one another. 

Sometimes, more effort isn’t healing.
Sometimes, it’s just more stress in disguise.

What comes to mind is the serenity prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous, which asks for the ability to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be, and the wisdom to know the difference. When dealing with health issues, how powerful is that!

When Effort Becomes a Trauma Response

Trying harder feels noble, but for many of us, it’s actually a nervous system habit—a survival strategy born from past trauma and/or chronic stress.

If you grew up in an unpredictable environment, you may have learned that safety came from:

• Being the high achiever
• Fixing everything
• Never resting
• Staying vigilant

In your adult life, that might translate into hyper-responsibility. You become the person who researches every symptom, manages a supplement cabinet like a pharmacy, tracks every bite of food, and schedules every minute of your healing plan.

It looks like dedication.
But underneath?
Fear. Tension. Apprehension. Exhaustion.

Your nervous system is still trying to stay safe by doing more. But that doing more comes with a cost. 

The Hidden Cost of “More”

Pushing yourself—especially when your body is already depleted—can actually move you further away from healing.

Why?

Because it keeps your sympathetic nervous system dominant—the fight/flight system.

• Your body thinks you’re under threat, even if the “threat” is following a healing plan rigidly.
• Cortisol stays high or dysregulated.
• Digestion and immune function go offline.
• Inflammation increases.
• Restorative sleep becomes harder.

This is the classic paradox:
The more you push, the more your body resists.
The more you try to control, the more dysregulated you feel.

(I’m ignoring the freeze response for the moment.)

Doing Less Can Be Deeply Healing

This is where we flip the script:

Healing isn’t about perfection.
It’s about safety.
It’s about permission.
It’s about trust.

For many people, the real medicine is learning to let go, not pushing through.

That might look like:

• Taking one day off your supplement schedule to rest
• Eating a meal without over-analyzing every ingredient
• Skipping a workout in favor of a nap (this is BIG).
• Let yourself cry instead of muscling through
• Trusting in something greater than you (or the wisdom of your body) to allow healing to occur

These aren’t signs of failure.
They’re signs of nervous system healing.
Of allowing your body to shift out of effort and into receptivity.

Healing doesn’t happen in effort mode.
It happens in repair mode—parasympathetic mode—where your cells regenerate, your gut restores, and your immune system recalibrates.

But what if I stop trying and get worse?

This fear is so common. It sounds like:

• “If I let go of my routine, I’ll fall apart.”
• “If I stop being strict, my symptoms will come back.”
• “If I rest, I’m giving up.”
• “I feel worse when I sleep too much.”

Let me offer another possibility:

What if your symptoms are asking you to do less?
What if your fatigue, anxiety, or pain is your body saying, “Enough. I need softness now?”

Letting go isn’t the same as giving up.
It’s giving over—to your deeper wisdom.
To the part of you that knows forcing doesn’t lead to peace.

Three Healing Shifts to Make When “Trying Harder” Isn’t Working

1. Trade Discipline for Devotion

Discipline is external. It’s about rules, expectations, control.
Devotion is internal. It’s about care, respect, and love.

Instead of: “I have to follow this protocol perfectly.”
Try: “How can I honor my body today?”

Healing becomes less about force, and more about listening. Listen to what you’re feeling.

2. Let Rest Be Productive

We often think rest is what we earn after doing enough.
But in healing, rest is the work. (And I would argue that having a regular bedtime is important too.)

Rest recalibrates your hormones.
It repairs your gut lining.
It allows your brain to detoxify.

Rest isn’t lazy. It’s biologically intelligent.

What if resting—before you crash—was the most advanced healing tool you had?

3. Soften the Inner Critic

When you live with chronic symptoms, it’s easy to feel like your body is failing you—and to internalize that failure.

An inner voice may whisper:

• “You’re not doing enough.”
• “Other people are healing faster.”
• “You should have figured this out by now.”

This voice doesn’t help.
It reactivates stress, shame, and self-doubt.

The antidote?
Curiosity. Compassion. Connection.

Try saying:

• “I’m doing my best with what I know.”
• “It’s okay to pause.”
• “My body is doing its best to protect me.”
• “What am I feeling right now?”

You’re Allowed to Let It Be Easier

This doesn’t mean you stop caring.
It means you stop fighting yourself in the name of healing.

It means releasing the belief that suffering is required.
That only the hardest path is valid.
That healing has to look a certain way.

You’re allowed to feel better without earning it.
You’re allowed to rest without guilt.
You’re allowed to stop trying harder—and start healing smarter.

What If Your Healing Isn’t a Battle… But a Surrender?

Imagine your healing journey not as a mountain to climb, but as a path to soften into.
Not a battle to win, but a trust fall into your own body’s wisdom.

This doesn’t mean you never take action.
It means your actions stem from alignment—not anxiety or fear.

That’s where true healing begins.

Coming Up: “Symptoms as Signals, Not Enemies.”

In our next post, we’ll dive into the power of reframing symptoms—not as problems to fix, but as messages to understand.

Until then, I invite you to pause.
Take a breath.
Loosen your grip.
Let something be easier today.

You are healing, even now.

P.S. My upcoming workshop, “Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis,” explores exactly this shift—from force to flow, from trying to trusting.
Be the first to hear when registration opens 

Symptoms are signals is the next article in our story.

It’s Not Your Fault—But It Is Your Responsibility

If you’ve struggled with chronic symptoms—anxiety, fatigue, hormone imbalance, pain, or illness—then you probably know the frustration of doing all the things: the diets, the supplements, the labs, the protocols.

And yet… you’re still not where you want to be.

That’s when the quiet, painful question sneaks in:
“What am I doing wrong?”
And just beneath it:
“Is this somehow my fault?”

Let me say this clearly: No, it’s not your fault.
But—healing is your responsibility.

And that difference may be the very thing that unlocks lasting change.

You Didn’t Choose This Starting Point

None of us chooses our starting point.

We don’t choose our genes.
We don’t choose the level of stress or trauma our nervous systems absorbed as kids.
We don’t choose the air we breathe, the food we were fed, or the emotional climate of the homes we grew up in.

Many of the patterns you’re living with now were set in motion long before you had any say:

• Early infections or antibiotics primed your immune system.
• A childhood of unpredictability or criticism trained your stress response.
• Years of overwork or neglect left imprints on your gut, hormones, and sleep.

So when I say it’s not your fault, I mean it with deep compassion. These challenges are part of a much larger web—biological, emotional, cultural, even generational. You didn’t create it.

But You Are the One Who Can Change It

Here’s the paradox: while you didn’t cause it, you are the only one with the power to shift it.

This is what I mean by responsibility.

Responsibility isn’t blame. It’s not guilt. It’s not “I should have known better.”

Responsibility is ownership. It’s the moment you say:
“This is mine now. And I get to decide what happens next.”

That’s the turning point.

Why Ownership Without Blame Is So Powerful

Blame sounds like: “I’m broken. It’s my fault. I’ll never get better.”
Outsourcing sounds like: “Someone else has to fix me. I hope they figure it out.”

Responsibility sounds like: “I may not have caused this, but I can respond to it.”

That shift doesn’t just change your outlook—it changes your biology.

When you reclaim agency, your nervous system moves out of survival mode. Your immune system recalibrates. Your gut, hormones, and repair pathways respond.

This is biology listening to story.

The Trap of Learned Helplessness

One of the deepest wounds of chronic illness is learned helplessness—the sense that nothing you do makes a difference.

But helplessness isn’t just emotional—it’s physiological:

• Cortisol dysregulates.
• Inflammation rises.
• Cellular repair slows.
• The nervous system stays in overdrive.

The body prepares for danger, not healing.

That’s why one of the most important interventions isn’t another supplement or protocol—it’s restoring a sense of power. Not control. Not perfection. Just the deep knowing that what you do matters.

The Key to Healing: Three Ways to Step Into Responsibility (Without Blame)

1. Name What You Didn’t Choose—Then Name What You Can Now

Acknowledge what wasn’t yours: the childhood, the environment, the genetics.
Then ask: What is in my hands now?

• The rhythm of your day
• The way you breathe when you feel stressed
• The choice to pause instead of push
• The boundaries you set around rest and nourishment

This is your territory. This is where healing begins.

2. Choose Curiosity Over Judgment

Responsibility is not self-criticism. It’s self-inquiry.

• Why do I crave sugar when I feel anxious?
• What is my body asking for when a headache comes?
• Where did I learn to ignore my needs until I crash?

Judgment shuts the door. Curiosity opens it.

3. Rewrite the Story You’ve Been Carrying

Often what keeps us stuck isn’t the symptom—it’s the story.

“I’m always the sick one.”
“I never finish things.”
“Healing is hard for people like me.”

These aren’t facts. They’re scripts. And scripts can be rewritten.

When you shift the story, your body follows.

You Are Not to Blame. You Are Not Broken. You Are Becoming.

Here’s the truth I want you to hold:

You are not at fault for what happened to you.
You are not broken because you’re still healing.
And you are not powerless to change.

The moment you take loving responsibility, you stop being a victim of your past and begin authoring your future.

That’s not just hopeful—it’s biology in action.

✨ If this resonates, you’ll love the upcoming workshop:
Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.

Together, we’ll explore these shifts through guided reflection, nervous system practices, and group coaching—so you can finally let go of blame and step fully into your power.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop:
“Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.”

We’ll go step-by-step through the process of uncovering and gently releasing the narratives that keep us stuck—and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed aside.

Because the truth is, you are more than your diagnosis.
More than your past.
And more than the story you’ve been told.

Healing begins when you believe that.

👉 [Sign up here to be the first to know when registration opens.]

Learn why trying harder isn’t always the answer.

Healing Shame and the Stories We Carry

Stories definitely bite back at us and one of the reasons is shame. Shame is a quiet weight many of us carry without realizing it. It isn’t as obvious as anger or as urgent as fear. Instead, it lingers in the background—woven into our thoughts, choices, and even our biology. Healing shame can be a crucial component of physical health. It affects us insidiously, hijacking our nervous system and leading to many immunological and neurological issues.

And here’s what’s important to know: the shame that affects your health today didn’t start with your health. It often goes back much further—childhood criticisms, moments of humiliation, or times you felt like you didn’t belong. Recent evidence suggests that it could be a function of your ancestors.

Wherever it originated, old shame has a way of showing up in the present. And if it’s unseen, it quietly shapes your health.

How Shame Leaves Its Mark on the Body

Shame is not just an emotion—it’s a full-body state.

When shame arises, your nervous system reacts. Your shoulders hunch, your breath becomes shallow, and maybe you lower your eyes. The body literally curls in on itself, protecting you.

If that state gets repeated enough, it can become the default. Your nervous system learns: This is how we survive—guarded, tense, small.

And over time, that survival strategy changes your biology.

• Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline stay elevated, raising your blood sugar levels and more.
• Your immune system drifts toward chronic inflammation.
• Digestion slows or becomes unpredictable.
• Your ability to rest, repair, and heal shrinks.

This isn’t “mind over matter.” It’s mind shaping matter. The stories and emotions we carry really affect the body.

The Way Shame Shapes Behavior

Beyond the biology, shame influences daily choices. Without realizing it, we often make decisions that align with our hidden self-image.

If somewhere inside you feel unworthy, you might:

• Put off seeking medical care.
• Downplay symptoms until they become crises.
• Reach for foods or habits that soothe in the moment but strain your health long-term.
• Stay in stressful situations because you don’t believe you deserve better.

This isn’t self-sabotage. It’s self-consistency. Your body and mind are simply keeping the old story alive.

This Isn’t About Blame

If you see yourself in this, please know: you did not choose this. Healing shame requires you to dig deep within your psyche. You didn’t choose the experiences that planted the shame. You didn’t choose to carry it forward. And you certainly didn’t decide to let it affect your health. Your nervous system was doing its best to protect you. What we’re doing now is simply bringing the pattern into awareness—so you can release it. Having compassion for yourself and others lubricates the process.

Meeting Shame with Curiosity

Shame thrives in the shadows. It has the most power when it remains unnamed and unspoken. Healing shame requires looking at your shadow. (I’ll have another article about the shadow later in this series.)

The moment you meet it with gentle curiosity, its grip loosens.

Here’s a simple practice you can try:

1. Notice the moment–when you feel the urge to hide, or the inner voice says, “You’re not enough,” pause.
2. Locate it in the body–where do you feel it? Chest, stomach, shoulders?
3. Name it without judgment-say to yourself: “This is shame.” Not “I’m bad,” just: This is shame.
4. Ask softly–“When have I felt this before?” Let memories surface. Sometimes they go back decades. Don’t worry if nothing comes. And you don’t have to remember incidents to heal.
5. Thank your body–it thought it was protecting you—and in a way, it was.

This isn’t about fixing shame in one session. It’s about slowly showing your body it’s safe to stand tall, breathe deeply, and release the old armor. Daily micro breakthroughs are how we change. 

Healing Without Forcing

The body doesn’t open under pressure. It opens when it feels safe.

That’s why in the Health-Story Workshop, we don’t push or pry. Instead, we create a safe space to explore the stories you’ve been carrying. When your body relaxes, your biology changes. And when your biology changes, healing becomes more possible.

Shame may have shaped your health quietly for years. Healing shame requires meeting it with compassion to loosen its hold.

Your body remembers how to be free. And when your body feels free, health has a way of following.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop:
“Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.”

We’ll go step-by-step through the process of uncovering and gently releasing the narratives that keep us stuck—and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed aside.

Because the truth is, you are more than your diagnosis.
More than your past.
And more than the story you’ve been told.

Healing begins when you believe that.

👉 [Sign up here to be the first to know when registration opens.]

Read the next step in your healing journey.

We’ve talked about how your health story is the ongoing narrative you carry — shaped by experiences, symptoms, diagnoses, and the voices of others. And in our last post, we explored how these stories can be incredibly helpful. They can guide you toward treatment, help you explain your experience to loved ones, and give meaning to what you’ve gone through.

But here’s the tricky part: the same story that once helped you can, over time, harm you.

The Shift You Don’t See Coming

It usually happens slowly.
A helpful story starts as something that explains your symptoms and gives you a sense of control. But over the months or years, it can quietly shift into something else — a limiter, a justification, or a hidden ceiling on what you believe is possible.

• You used to say: “I can’t run because my knee injury hasn’t fully healed yet.”
• Now it’s become: “I’m not a runner. I can’t do that. That’s not me anymore.”

The first statement leaves the door open for change. The second quietly shuts and locks it.

Why Stories Can Turn Sour

Your brain loves patterns. It wants to predict what will happen next so it can keep you safe. When you repeat a story to yourself, your mind takes it as a fact — something to plan around, not question.
This is a wonderful survival mechanism… until it isn’t. It’s like driving home from work on the same route every day for five years. You go on autopilot, creating danger if you stop paying attention.

If your story keeps you from exploring new options, trying something again, or re-imagining what healing could look like, it stops serving you and starts trapping you.

The Subtle Signs Your Health Story Has Turned on You

If you’ve been living with health challenges for a while, you might not notice when your story crosses the line from supportive to self-limiting. Here are a few subtle clues:

• You use your health condition to explain more and more areas of your life that feel stuck.
• You’ve stopped even considering certain activities, relationships, or goals because “that’s just not realistic for me.”
• You feel a sense of resignation — as if this is simply “your lot” in life.
• You notice you talk about your condition more than you talk about what you’re doing to feel better.
• You spend more time on the internet researching your condition instead of living your life.

If you nodded along to more than one of these, it might be time for a rewrite.

How to Begin Rewriting a Limiting Story

You don’t have to bulldoze your current narrative or deny what’s true for you. This is about gently loosening the grip of a story that’s no longer helping you heal.

1. Notice the language–listen to the way you describe yourself to others. Do your sentences end possibilities before they start?
2. Separate fact from interpretation–“My doctor said I have X” differs from “I can never Y.”
3. Play with “what if”–even if it feels silly, imagine how your life would look if this limitation weren’t there. What would you try? What would you reclaim?
4. Gather counter-evidence–look for even minor examples of you doing more than your story claims is possible.

Why This Matters for Healing

When you loosen a limiting story, you open space for your brain and body to explore new patterns. You may find new energy for treatments, lifestyle changes, or therapies that once felt irrelevant. And sometimes, the simple act of re-imagining what’s possible changes your physiology — because you’re no longer bracing for a future you’ve already decided is hopeless.

Your story is powerful. If it’s helping you, keep it. If it’s hurting you, rewrite it. You are not locked inside it — you are the author.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop:
“Letting Go of the Story: Healing Beyond Diagnosis.”

We’ll go step-by-step through the process of uncovering and gently releasing the narratives that keep us stuck—and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed aside.

Because the truth is, you are more than your diagnosis.
More than your past.
And more than the story you’ve been told.

Healing begins when you believe that.

👉 [Sign up here to be the first to know when registration opens.]

Check out the next post in the series.